garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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