I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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