And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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