How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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