you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I could make wine with my vomit
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
