So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
