just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
