VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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