went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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