So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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