I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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