then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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