You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
