You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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