I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
it glows. i had to have it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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