About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
