The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
