i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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