It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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