I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
