Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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