I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
