maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
