woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
