Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
