Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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