I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
