life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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