i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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