There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
