I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
