6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
