If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
