3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
