he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
