Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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