actually, I'm a sock model
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
