Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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