dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
