I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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