none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
