Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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