Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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