Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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