you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize