Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize