3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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