thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You're like the curious george of whores
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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