I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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