Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
