i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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