And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
