the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
