You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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