My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
