This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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