Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize