Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
