i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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