Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
