pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
