He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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