I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
